1. A hug
Mother’s day is on it’s way, in case you totally forgot (admit it, you did). She asks for love, but what does that even mean? We suggest wine (duh). Canned wine (double duh). After all, she was sober for 9 months for you, so the clearance rack ain't gonna cut it. No matter what, here's what she doesn't want:
3. Lotion/MoisturizerIf anything all you’re doing is reminding her is that she’s getting old and her skin has lost it’s youthful glow. Gee thanks, what else could a woman want.
4. A lame handmade IOU couponThis was super cute at age seven, but it’s been a few years and she knows the drill. That laundry coupon expires roughly 3 hours after it’s opened. You’re not that slick, be a decent child.
5. A petJust take a second and think about any relaxing gift you could give a person. An animal probably doesn’t fall into that category. Also can you be trusted to remember her allergies? We think not.
6. A framed solo shot of yourselfWe know your fight to be the favorite kid has been a life long one, but this for sure won’t do it. If anything it’s just making your motives even more obvious.
7. Tickets to something she doesn’t even likeShe wants to spend time with you, but maybe not in your favorite band’s mosh pit. Shared experiences as gifts are cool, but this is probably more of a gift to yourself.
8. Anything handmadeJust because you’re taking a pottery class right now, doesn’t mean you’re an artist. If she wants a mug, please go buy her one.
9. Fake FlowersSure they’ll last forever, but you know what else will? The memory of the kid that couldn’t afford real flowers on Mother’s Day. Just let that sink in for a second.
10. Any sort of self help bookShe gave you life, gave up alcohol for 9+ months, and has committed to raising you (well into your adulthood). She’s perfect and doesn’t need to be reminded that she could use a couple pounds. At least not today.